The debunking of cycling urban legend....

The following post has been constructed in my head. I take full and sole responsibility for any and all debunking, unravelling and exposure to any and all myths named, exposed, unfolded and revealed thus forth...if any of the further posting infuriates, upsets, hurts your feelings, makes you feel stupid, causes bewliderment or insults you, your bike or bike parts, please take a moment or 2 and get over yourself.

Myth #1 That $1500.00 wheelset will make you faster.
Debunking - this took some research, I'd have to partialy disagree and only debunk half of the statement. You will only be faster up short hills. Specifically because your wallett will be significantly lighter. Debunked.

Myth #2- Hanging out with "roadies" entitles you to feel more important than your grubby bretheren, the "mountain biker"
Debunking - Hanging out with roadies only entitles you to make fun of other roadies, primarily in the fashion sense or lack of.
example
#1a never wear black socks on a summer training ride, the rule is white only and they must be nearly nonexistent in height.
#1b ensure your legs are devoid of any and all hair visible to the seasoned grizzled roadie, any sign or evidence of unsupervised folicular activity could result in your being allowed to lead up the first climb as the "peleton" rides the other direction unbeknownst to you and your hairy legs.
#1c any presence of dirt in any form or visible to a seasoned grizzled roadie may result in an avoidence of eye contact by the group ride leader, also one word or grunted answers may come your way if you ask any questions not deemdd suitable on said training ride.
#1d Cat4 and Cat 5 riders never socialize publicly with Cat 2 and Cat 3 racers, after much reasearch in this matter I have discovered that some cat 2 and cat 3 racers have friends who don't even have a bicycle thus only acknowledge them outside of cycing. Furthermore, cat 2 and cat 3 racers only acknowledge cat 4 and cat 5 racers if no other cat 2 or cat 3 racers are present or along on that specific training ride.

Myth #3 - We're not going hard today Any roadie that announces in email form or publicly at a group ride gathering that "we're going to do an LSD ride, maybe 45-60 miles easy" is a nice thoughtful person and wants to not be overtrained by March 1st.
Debunking any time a grizzled and seasoned roadie tells you that, take it as the opposite of the definition of the word "not" Going easy means, going hard enough to try and kill you and leave you for dead 48 miles from home with blown legs, severe dehydration and a mutillated ego. Roadies are akin to a poker player "just sitting in on a hand" they always play to win. Roadies are always baked fromriding too hard in winter and subsequently blame it on their mountain biking friends for "making them ride off road".. even if they only did 3 mountain bike rides all winter....

Myth #4 - Shaving your legs is a must do act of the competitive cyclist reasoning I shave my legs so it's easier to massage them.
Debunking Lies....racing cyclists amateur anyway, only shave their legs so other people can see theirmusculature or their hard thought out cycling tattoos. Pros shave their legs beause they get rubbed down regularly and also treated with heating creme's and other ointments aiding them to earn a living on their bikes.

Myth #4 - My sideburns are my strength Single speed mountain bikers and Cyclocross racers follow a mantra or ritual of growing out their sideburns or other facial hair togive them strength and purpose for their efforts put forth.
Debunking I was unable to debunk this legend or myth, after much research into this topic I was unable to debunk though conversely I was able to have alot of "personal experiences" with this myth or legend.
Such as
#2a At any given mountain bike race where a single speed racer is in attendence, they are flanked by others very envious of their growth in the sideburn region of the face and skull. Admiration, worship in a godlike status, shocking awe was witnessed by myself.
#2b They all beat me handily, never seeming to tire at any point, though I was so far off of the back I couldn;t actually witness their racing prowess, nonetheless my personal experiences in this matter have led me to believe that this legend or myth is not able to be debunked.
Footnote
Even some of the women with excessive hair primarily in the armpit region of their body were able to slam me onto the pain mat and grind me into a pulp of twisted clean shaven humbleness. No facial hair was witnessed on any of the women at any time during my research, though that's not saying it'snot possible. I wasn't able to get over to Greece, or Turkey to do any reasearch, nor were there any Armenian women present at any races where I did my research.

Myth #6Approved wardrobe gazing You can wear a sleeveless jersey on a road ride, with active racing roadies.
debunking This myth was debunked so fast I wasn't even able to get out of my car without one of them rolling over to where I was parked and downing a cold one sternly knocking on my window in curt disapproval stating "you're not wearing that are you?"

Myth #7 - White shoes are not necessarily necessary on an April training ride Roadies allow you to ride at the front even if your shoes are black or older than 4 years of obsolescence. Pedals also fit into that category.
Debunking Entirely debunked, strongly debunked. You may only get time at the front if you have new shoes and they are white or silver (the less black areas on the shoe the farther up in the "peleton" you are permitted to ride) I took string evidence back with me supporting the debunking, if you have dark colored shoes you are not permitted anywhere near the front, for any reason... ever.

Myth #8 - Triple chainrings are welcome 3 chainrings are great on a road training ride, no worries.
Debunking Debunked. No they are not, if you have a bike with triple chainrings, no matter who you are you will only be allowed to ride with the groupetto or peleton once, then next sunday you better show up with a new crankset or you will be told, "we're going pretty hard today, we wouldn't want to lose you anywhere, sorry." 3 chainrings is frowned upon strongly.

Myth #9 - I don't care if you have a visor on your helmet Visors on road helmets is okay and doesnot effect the cosmic harmony that is a group road ride.
Debunking oh my god, this was so debunked it startled me. I lay witness to one mountain bike racer wearing his helmet with the visor attachedwho was approached slowly with caution by an obvioous cat 3 racer who proceeded to ask him, "Dude, you forgot to take your visor off..." the mountain biker just looked blankly at the cat3 and without blinking snapped his visor off and rode over to his car, but as he was doing so, the cat3 summoned the group to hightail it out of there before he got back.... this perplexed me.